I was contemplating a date-night that was well-planned but felt, in actuality, rather flat. Cozy little restaurant we've enjoyed many times, good atmosphere (neither deserted or over-crowded and too noisy) and the food smelled amazing. It should’ve been a great dinner. Except...
I was there, but not there. Deep in my own little bubble thinking about ME!
"Am I being interesting enough?" "Was that last joke funny or sarcastic?" "Should I have dressed up a bit more?" "What is she wanting me to say about this?"
One after another after another, repeating back words and answering so that she wouldn't know. As if...
It’s a strange thing, isn’t it? You can physically show up for a date and still completely miss each other. And most of the time, the culprit isn’t the other person. It’s that gnawing habit of the inner chatter — pulling you inward, away from the very connection you crave.
When we’re wrapped up second-guessing ourselves, it’s like we shrink behind a curtain no one else can see. We’re busy managing impressions, wondering how we’re coming across, trying to perform “date-night” instead of actually living it.
The saddest part? The person we’re with typically senses that something’s off — but they don’t know how to reach us through that invisible wall. (If you have someone who calls you on it, be grateful; however uncomfortable it is at the moment.)
But, here’s the "cure": practice acceptance. In a sense, "Ok, well, whatever I did or didn't do, however off I may feel at the moment, I'm going to give him/her all of what I got."
From this place, your "imperfect" self gives them a much better date than your perfect-but-not-here self. You stay present, because you’re not busy editing yourself.
You laugh more easily — even when things go sideways.
You notice the way their eyes crinkle when they smile, or how they fidget with the menu when they’re nervous-excited.
You create inside jokes instead of inside doubts.
You leave the date feeling lighter, closer, and surprisingly energized, even if nothing "Instagram-perfect" happened.
Self-acceptance isn’t about pretending you’re flawless.
It’s about stepping into the moment without needing to earn your place there.
So if you’ve ever left a date-night feeling strangely distant — even when the setting was perfect — maybe it’s not about what you did or didn’t do.
Maybe it’s just about shifting how you showed up inside yourself.
Here’s a small experiment you can try on your next date-night: Before you head out, take one deep breath and set an intention: "Tonight, I’m going to spend more energy connecting outward than assessing myself."
If you notice yourself slipping back into yourself mid-date (it happens!), just gently catch it. Pause. And then, instead of spiraling inward, turn outward: Catch your spouse’s eye. Notice something real about the moment you’re sharing. Let yourself belong right there, without needing to fix or polish anything.
You might be amazed at how much sweeter — and more real — date-night feels when you’re not stuck on a date with yourself.
Because your spouse didn’t fall in love with a perfect version of you. They fell in love with you. And that’s still the best gift you can bring to the table.
Give it a try, let us know how it goes!
