We tend to think of attraction as something that just “happens.” You meet, sparks fly, and the rest takes care of itself; which can be true for a while.
Until, one day, you wake up and realize… you’re in a relationship where sweatpants and autopilot have taken over.
That initial chemistry? It didn’t vanish—it just needs fuel.
Attraction isn’t just about physical appearance. It’s about energy, presence, and the effort we put into showing up as someone our partner would still choose today. And effort? It’s the difference between a relationship that coasts and one that thrives.
Wait! I know I said "effort", but don't run. This isn't about more effort or energy, it's about noticing where you're directing your energy and effort; saving some from the places that may be getting it now and re-directing that to your spouse.
Attraction: It’s More Than Just Looks
Think back to when you first started dating. What made your spouse attractive to you? It likely wasn’t just their physical features but also the way they carried themselves, the way they made you laugh, or the confidence in their eyes.
Attraction is a mix of:
- Physical effort—Taking care of yourself, dressing up sometimes, and showing your partner they’re worth that little extra.
- Emotional energy—Being engaged, interesting, and interested in them.
- Mystery & intrigue—Not in a game-playing way, but in the sense of continuing to grow, evolve, and bring fresh energy into the relationship.
Energy: The Love Multiplier
Energy in marriage isn’t about grand gestures—it’s about consistency.* It’s the small, intentional actions that say, I see you. I care.
- Thoughtful planning—Surprising them with a date they’d love, even if it’s just their favorite takeout at home.
- Being present—Putting the phone down, looking them in the eye, and really being with them.
- Keeping the spark alive—A flirty text, a lingering touch, a compliment. The little things compound over time.
*No, I'm not saying don't make grand gestures! I don't want any angry emails about that. The point is that an occasional grand gesture doesn't make up for ignoring the relationship in between.
Want a Stronger Connection? Start Here.
Try this: For the next date-night, put in just 10% more effort than usual. Dress with a little extra intention. It doesn't have to be a tux or cocktail gown. Clean, neat and well-fitting will do.
Bring up something new to talk about; something you know would interest your spouse, or something that interests you. Be playful. See how it shifts the energy between you.
And, date I say it, brush your teeth. Be kissable.
Because in the end, attraction and effort aren’t just about keeping things interesting—they’re about saying, You still matter to me.
Let us know how it goes!
